Wednesday, September 05, 2012

I'm so not ready for this

My youngest starts Kindergarten tomorrow morning. I should be excited for her -- I was for my oldest when he started two years ago. (Even though, yes, I did cry a little after he walked through the doors for the first time without looking back). And I am, I'm excited that she's stepping out into the great big world. But I'm so not ready for this.

Not only is she four years old and heading off to Junior Kindergarten, but she's four years old and heading off to the new all-day Kindergarten program. So unlike when Austin was in Kindergarten just for a few hours a day (and spent the afternoons with me), as of tomorrow she'll be in school from 8:30 until 3.

Now, part of me is doing the little happy dance. That part of me is saying 'Finally, after four and a half years of towing children pretty much wherever I go, I can breathe just a little bit. I can have just a little bit of me time. (I can work during daylight hours!)"

The other part of me is screaming 'how can she be old enough to be in school for more than 6 hours a day?! I'll be honest, part of the screaming me is my own resistance to change -- Austin didn't go to all day school until Grade 1 (which started yesterday), so why should Alex have to? But that's the part of me who also chose to stay home with my kids full-time for the last four years and therefore doesn't want to have to part with them. I may be proud of both of them and how well they're growing up, but that doesn't mean that I'm not sad to see them go.

You see, the part of me that's doing the happy dance is looking forward to a little peace and quiet. But the other part of me is asking 'but who is going to eat lunch with me every day?'.



Patricia Purcell said...

I'm never quite ready for time away from my kids. We've got years until college, but I'm dreading it already. I know I'll be a wreck!

Michelle said...

That is a hard change! Be nice to yourself while you adjust! New opportunities will spring up to fill your days.:)

Robbie K said...

It's bittersweet isn't it? I was laid off in May 2011 and have been home with my youngest 24/7 since then. We've had huge changes over the last year and sending him off to all day kindergarten wasn't easy.

Shell said...

It goes so fast, doesn't it?

I hope the first day went well!