I'm so not ready for this

My youngest starts Kindergarten tomorrow morning. I should be excited for her -- I was for my oldest when he started two years ago. (Even though, yes, I did cry a little after he walked through the doors for the first time without looking back). And I am, I'm excited that she's stepping out into the great big world. But I'm so not ready for this.

Not only is she four years old and heading off to Junior Kindergarten, but she's four years old and heading off to the new all-day Kindergarten program. So unlike when Austin was in Kindergarten just for a few hours a day (and spent the afternoons with me), as of tomorrow she'll be in school from 8:30 until 3.

Now, part of me is doing the little happy dance. That part of me is saying 'Finally, after four and a half years of towing children pretty much wherever I go, I can breathe just a little bit. I can have just a little bit of me time. (I can work during daylight hours!)"

The other part of me is screaming 'how can she be old enough to be in school for more than 6 hours a day?! I'll be honest, part of the screaming me is my own resistance to change -- Austin didn't go to all day school until Grade 1 (which started yesterday), so why should Alex have to? But that's the part of me who also chose to stay home with my kids full-time for the last four years and therefore doesn't want to have to part with them. I may be proud of both of them and how well they're growing up, but that doesn't mean that I'm not sad to see them go.

You see, the part of me that's doing the happy dance is looking forward to a little peace and quiet. But the other part of me is asking 'but who is going to eat lunch with me every day?'.

 

A big change to life as I know it

My life will be changing soon. And as much as I’m excited about what this big change will bring, I’m also a little sad.

The big change is that in five more weeks, both of my kids will be in full-time school. It’s a milestone event for them, and for me. Because for me, I made a conscious decision to leave a full-time job to stay home with my two kids. At the time of that decision, they were 3 and 1. Now they’re 6 and 4 — no longer babies. I can hardly believe it’s been more than three years since I left my full-time job — time certainly flies by when you have children.

So, on the positive side of this big life change, here are a few things I’m looking forward to:

• Being able to work during regular business hours. Let’s face it, I’ve been working in this business on a part-time basis for three years now. And for three years, I’ve worked during nap time, half-day school time, and in the wee hours of the morning time. To me, it almost feels like a foreign concept to be able to work between the hours of 9 and 3.
• Meeting friends and clients for lunch. Again, let’s be honest here. I haven’t ‘done’ lunch in over three years — unless you count ‘doing’ lunch at McDonald’s PlayPlace.
• Arranging a meeting or coffee with a client without having to arrange for childcare. This one has been one of my biggest challenges in the last few years — in fact, there has been more than one occasion where I’ve brought my kids with me to meet with an understanding client or I’ve met with clients around my kitchen table while my kids watched a movie in the other room simply because I couldn’t find childcare.
• Going to personal appointments, running errands and doing the groceries without an entourage. Because seriously, can I tell you how many times I’ve had to bring the kids to the dentist with me? (And here’s where I say ‘thank you iPad, for entertaining my children while I get my teeth cleaned’.)

But, I’ll be honest, the nostalgic side of me is dreading this big life change. But that dread goes along the same lines as lamenting the fact that my babies are growing up. What I’ll miss most is simply being with my kids all day/half days. Over the last three years, some days may have been long – so long that I contemplated putting the kids on the front porch with ‘for sale’ signs around their necks — but the weeks and years have flown by.

I’m going to miss them when they go to school. But I know I’ll quickly fall into a new rhythm of working during the day and spending some quality after-school time with them. And, in a blink of the eye, it’ll be next June and my head will be screaming ‘what do you mean, the kids will be home every day, all day for 9 weeks!’.

The summer bucket list

Yes, I'll admit it. I've been a little MIA this month. July just seems to be flying by and I'm doing everything in my power to make the most of this summer with the kids.

It's been challenging, I'll admit. Not the having fun part, but the managing to get my work done at the same time as having fun -- that's the challenging part. 

You see, back in April, I accepted a large project -- one that was so large that it was going to take me about 20 hours a week. So, I hired childcare to come in three days a week over the summer. I was a little sad about this, because it meant losing time with my kids in my last summer before full-day school, but I was excited by the prospect of working more.

Then, in mid-June, that project fell through. I was pretty upset and annoyed, but worst of all, I had to lay off the girl I had hired just two weeks before she was supposed to start. I felt terrible leaving her without a job just as summer was starting. But I couldn't justify paying her if I wasn't getting paid.

And so, the first week of summer was relatively slow for me -- work wise -- so the kids and I were busy, busy, busy. And then, the last two weeks, work picked up. Suddenly old clients were coming out of the woodwork and I was hooked up with not one, not two, but three new clients in a matter of days. And they all had jobs for me to do.

So although it was unfortunate that the big job fell through, in a way it was fortunate, because it meant that I could take on all this new work.

Except, I haven't had childcare. 

Thankfully for me, the girl I had hired and then laid off has still been free, so she's been coming in once a week so that I can work during the day. (But she does have a job starting August.) And last week and this week has been camp time for the kids (full day for Austin, half day for Alex).

But enough rambling about work, what I wanted to ramble about is the summer. We have been having a great time making our way through out bucket list. You see, during the last week of school, the three of us sat down and brainstormed ideas of things we wanted to do this summer and places we wanted to go. The only restriction on creativity that I had was that every idea had to be within the GTA (in other words, they weren't allowed to suggest trips to Niagara Falls) and Wonderland was not an option since we'd already been there in June.

The picture can be hard to see, but here's the list we came up with:

And we've been steadily checking things off every week. So far we went downtown to have lunch with Auntie Suzie (by bus and subway on a 36C day no less), we've been to the pool a few times, we've played with friends and been to the Science Centre, the park and more.

It's no wonder I haven't had time to blog this summer. I've either been at play during the day or 'at work' during the evening. 

In September my days will be childless. Something I'm looking forward to and dreading at the same time. Hey, what can I say, I've been a stay-at-home mom for over four years now -- it's going to be a big change.

But to avoid getting anxious by the dread of this big change, I'm choosing to enjoy as many minutes as I can. So don't be surprised if you don't hear much from me.

Fun Summertime activity: Water balloons angry birds

I'm not usually one to create activities and then write about it. But I do read many blogs with creative craft ideas and games. This craft/game was just so much fun, I decided I had to share and give you all the play-by-play. 

Austin loves Angry Birds so thanks to No Time for Flash Cards, we created our own outdoor Angry Birds game. 

First: I filled a bucket full of balloons -- adding angry faces and all. 

 Step 2: Draw pigs on the driveway.

Step 3: Take aim

Step 4: Bombs away!

The kids had a blast and it was a great way to get rid of the afternoon crankies. And surprisingly, it never occurred to either of them to toss water balloons at each other.

'We're doing something important'

This is a picture of our dress-up box in the basement:

It's solid wood and filled to the brim with dress-up costumes (mainly princess costumes for our little princess).

Here is the exchange Ryan had with the kids earlier this evening (now I wasn't there, but according to him, this is how the story goes):

Ryan, looking for the kids after telling them to go get ready for bed and then finding them in the basement.
Ryan: What are you doing?
Kids (I don't know who answered): Something really important.
Ryan: What?
Kids: Nothing.
Ryan: What were you doing?
Kids: Ummm....letting Moo out of the dress-up box
Ryan (Trying really hard not to laugh): Why was she in there?
Kids: Because we put her there.
Ryan: When?
Kids: After Alex had her dinner (before she went out with Ryan for her soccer game)

In other words, about two and a half hours earlier!

Yes, that's right folks. My kids, who love playing with their new kitten, thought it would be fun(?) to put her in the dress up box and then close the lid. Oh yeah, and then wander off and to do something else (like go play soccer) and FORGET ABOUT HER!

Thankfully she didn't seem to be worse for wear once released.

Wordless Wednesday: It's a good thing canning season is upon us...

...because my supply is looking a little bare. 

Happy Father's Day

At school pick up a few Fridays ago, as us stay-at-home mom's wished each other a good weekend upon saying goodbye, one of the mom's grumbled, "I hate weekends, it means I have one more person to look after."

I didn't know how to react to that, so I didn't say anything. But I assumed she was referring to her husband.

Now, maybe she was having a bad day. Maybe she had just had a fight with her husband. Maybe she was just in a bad mood. But it got me thinking.

I love the weekend -- because it means we can all be together. It means that the kids can have their daddy around for more than a couple of hours before bed.

Hanging out with mom all day is great (well, at least I think they think it is) but daddy, is well, daddy. Mommy is the one you cling to when you're scared, hurt or sad. Mommy is the one who kisses the boo-boos, tells you it's alright and is generally an all-around sucker. Daddy is the one who plays like you're never going to get hurt (and you usually don't), encourages you that you can go farther, faster and harder (and you usually can) and is generally an all-around fun person to be with.

So, this post is for the best husband -- who loves me for all my flaws and imperfections. And the best father -- our kids are so lucky to have a wonderful daddy like you.