Being a professional impostor

I haven’t written much lately, because, well, I don’t feel like I have much to write about. Life is just sort of chugging along at a breakneck speed. In other words…have I really been back at work for over a month now?

It feels weird yet normal to be at work these days. After a first feeling slightly disconnect at work, by the end of the first week, I felt like I’d never left. That’s not to mean I knew what I was doing, it’s to mean, that my desk in my little cubby hole of a cubicle felt like a normal place to be on a Tuesday afternoon.

But I still feel like a bit of a professional impostor and have to remind myself that this is what I do every day, all day and that I’m not just taking a break from what I really do – which is stay home with Austin.

But what really makes me feel like an impostor, is the fact that there’s this huge, year-long gap in my memory. I’ve been brought up to speed on all current projects, am spearheading some of my own, etc. etc. but at least once a day, I have to ask someone about something that we did say six months ago. Almost like when you’re new to a company and have to learn the lay of the land. Except I’m not new, I’ve been here for a few years.

Worse yet, at least once or twice a week, I’ll be asked a question and will have to remind that person that the answer lies somewhere in the middle of last summer, where my business memory doesn’t go. It’s almost like as soon as you’re back into the groove, people around you forget you even left so they assume you’re all knowing. Trust me, I wish I was, but alas…

It’ll continue to get better I know. It doesn’t help that returning in mid-February meant returning at our busiest time of year. I remember being so happy that I was skipping the February to April madness last year – but I forgot to think about the fact that that meant returning smack in the middle of it.

But I have gotten back into many of my old routines, including walking down the street for a Tim Horton’s coffee every day -- which means, like before, I'm cursing that I never win anything but a Play Again from the cup.